Babies dont come with an instruction manual but they do come with lots of well intentioned advice, often veiled in horrific stories from those whos footsteps walked through the rougaged landmine ridden paths before my very own.
Life before this moment, as I sit here writing with an infant upon my chest as she peacefully sleeps, only occasionally moving just her lips to arch into a toothless smile, an indication of her innocent dream world filled with her playing with the angels; life was filled with chaos. The chaos I recall was a mixture of work, study, being social and adhering to my adult expectations of errands and general stress. Now my world has literally paused mid rotation. My former life has paused mid living as the focus of my universe purposely shifted towards the survival, growth and absolute care of a baby – as it should.
I have no advice for expectant mothers. Every person, including new little people are so different, some with personalities so grand and colourful that the universe almost fails to contain them; others take up but a small corner of the universe, sitting meek and shy but the light and vibrance of each little soul is so profound that it helps to continue to light the world with the beautiful energy they generate.
I have spent the first few weeks of motherhood marveling at the creation that lay upon me. I have sat silently for hours to listen to the soul reveal its beauty and to show me who this baby is and how she needs to be cared for. I have spent hours watching as she interacts with the world around her, as she listens to the noises around her, feels things that land within her grip, watching her facial reactions from frowns, smiles, confusion and quizzical looks. I marvel as i am blessed to be watching the world through an infants eyes.
I spent 9 months getting to know her blindly. I intuitively listened to her soul as her tiny hands and feet gently reminded me of her presence as she tumbled within my womb. I intently listened to her heartbeat as the obstetricians told of her strong heart rate and envisaged the emotional strength of a warrior. This quality will no doubt hold her in good steed in our family and the world. I mindfully spoke to my baby as she lay settled within me so she would know my voice and read to her, hoping to inspire her creativity. I spent countless hours imagining the qualities she would possess without knowing she was a she – her gender mattered little.
Now she has arrived and has blown us away. My heart has swelled with a love as we are getting to know each other more every moment within every day.