In this magical time of early motherhood, I am soaking up all of the many new experiences. With everyday I embrace and thank my blessings for all I have. Parenthood is not at all easy and was an absolutely life changing moment in ways I could never have anticipated. From the moment I knew of her existence I became a mum ~ a title I will carry proudly forever and a title I hold with privilege and honour and will work hard to uphold.
In this moment, as I sit here with my baby girl peacefully napping between being knee deep in teething and starting solids … I breathe in gratitude. There are some moments that are challenging ~ truthfully these challenges are where I learn the most of myself but I would not change a moment of them. Life is precious and can be taken without a moments notice and for this, I value all the moments – the challenging and the happy and all of the emotions and experiences in between.
Tonight in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day today (15th day of October) I will be lighting a candle. I will be taking a moment to hug my baby tightly and silently pray, through heaviness in my heart and tears for the many families that are hurting and continue to hurt over a loss; who live with grief, a grief that will never leave them. I light the candle for the many souls irreversibly shattered as they try to navigate life with their grief.
Today I am thinking of the many families grieving the struggles to conceive; the loss of pregnancies to miscarriages; and the loss of angels who were born sleeping. Equally, I pray for the families trying to navigate the first few months in a haze of postnatal depression, illnesses and various challenges. I will be praying for the loss of children regardless of age; and for the grief of families missing a member of their family who should be around to share in the joy of raising a child.
Everyone’s path is unique and equally important as well as everyone’s grief being equally as heartbreaking and devastating.
When my baby was a mere three months old, in the early hours of the morning, I came across the story and grief of one family that caused my heart, my eyes and my soul to swell in pain for them. It is a story that will never leave me.
The words of Natalie Morgan of her daughter Eleanor that was born sleeping are as follows:
“All I ask of you is when you have your dark moments with your baby – when you’re at your wits’ end and feel like you can’t go on anymore when you’re only getting an hour or two of sleep a night – instead of begging your child to go to sleep and wallowing in your frustration and exhaustion, say a prayer of gratitude for your child, as difficult as it may be in that moment.”
Everyday in tribute, I remember her baby and think of all the many beautiful babies that should be here but are instead occupying the heavenly gardens and playgrounds.
In this moment I acknowledge that their existence will be remembered always with love and peace for the world was made better for them having been in it, regardless of how brief their visit was.