Falling in Love with Minimalism

Spring – A time for rejuvenation and renewal.

I openly discuss my love affair with ‘spring cleaning’ and ‘de cluttering’. Whilst I am not a fan of labels, I have come to embrace that of being a minimalist – well, one in the making.

A little over a year ago, we moved from our tiny ‘baby house’ that we had out grown with a walking toddler to a full sized family home. With it came the temptation to quickly fill it with things – furniture, art, stuff. After all, what was the point in having a bigger space with less things?

Our baby house was filled with our past. It was the first home shared with my husband and the first home I had after living with my family. I had never moved and felt the need to hold all of my memories within my possessions. As we packed to move, I started to feel suffocated by my things. They were no longer providing me happiness or meaning but instead they were creating an environment of frustration. I could never easily reach for things. Opening a cupboard could be an OH & S issue and my mind was often distracted with needing to ‘clean up’ because ‘stuff’ never looks tidy. I had mistakenly believed that being organised meant I needed to have everything on hand and prepared for a ‘just-in-case’ scenario with ridiculous just-in-case items – 40 billion shopping bags anyone??

The temptation to fill our new home quickly evaporated – stuff didn’t provide me happiness – instead it was distracting me from living.

The bigger space instead presented us with something far more beautiful than ‘things’ – it gifted us with mindfulness, gratitude, appreciation.

Our home has most importantly provided the space for clear thought and tranquility – our haven to come home and breathe out the day. It has replaced chaos with calm – busyness with quality family time and inefficient time with productive time – like writing or having a soothing, soul nourishing bath.

Visually, our home is calming. Each item purchased is carefully chosen –

Does it reflect us? Does it add value? Do we love it? Is it essential?

It has provided us the opportunity to ‘hunt’ for unique treasures, items that reflect who we are and what life we want to create.

It has provided us with a comfortable amount of space to celebrate events and life – to have family and friends around to enjoy being together – life’s important treasures…The soul of the home is already etched with memories of laughter, love and happiness.

Having a relaxed home has also given us the gift of adventure – the ability to step outside of it without the guilt of choosing to ‘go out’ over cleaning – the expectation of having a spotless house. There is minimal effort of maintenance with minimal clutter. It also provides a beautiful space to return home to with a heart full of adventure.

So in this moment, I can peacefully enjoy a cup of coffee – each sip without the distraction of needing to do something in this moment because I have replaced chaos with calm and life has become a whole lot more manageable.

~ F.P

 

Life, dreaming and what I have come to learn

On the eve of my 30-B birthday, I started compiling a list of all the lessons I had come to learn along those 30-something years of life. I struggled, not because I couldn’t come up with a list but because it just did not do justice to the thoughts of my heavy heart on this day – and my life isn’t really about lists.

In my quiet moments of reflection, I have packaged by thoughts into a nutshell and this is what I have come to learn:

Life is amazing – Life is too amazing not to be authentic about it …

… About who you are 

…About what you like 

…About what you do.

It’s okay to feel it – It’s okay to say it – It’s okay to do it (generally).

 

The rules are the ones we create for ourselves. Let’s for a moment replace rule with general guideline. In the practice of law, we often refer to issues being viewed in context and on a case by case basis – nothing is a one fits all approach, arguably, the only way upon which we can assess life circumstances on a case by case basis is if we are present in our own world. It’s easy to feel as though we are dragged through life and running to keep up. Things in life will happen – we may be seeking a higher meaning to justify a negative life event – to ease pain and sadness by blaming the universe – if this works, sure, why not! Blame the universe… full moon, life moves in cycles, there is a greater purpose… one door closes for another to open. Some things will never have an appropriate justification and you will be angry without direction and that’s okay – but whatever the life circumstance allow your soul to heal. Breathe through the sadness and give your heart the time and the nourishment to heal and to keep moving forward.

Feel confident enough to ask yourself the hard questions – does this life fit me? Are there things in my life that are counter productive to my happiness? Are there other things that I want to do and can do? 

It’s equally okay not to have all of the answers – It’s okay to have some answers – It’s even okay to have the answers but you haven’t implemented any changes. The reason it’s all okay, is that you are at the very least being an active participant in your life. That’s the authenticity in it.

This is life – your life – Own it – All of it, even the parts that aren’t fantastic or flattering or life events that make you cringe when you think back to your own actions. Own all of it because that is part of your life’s history and your blue print – it helps to shape your world, of which you get to choose how your life is shaped.

Today as I sit here… at the age of 32, I distinctly remember in my early 20’s thinking that I couldn’t wait to be 32 – It was an age I had come to believe would be the age where life would fall into place or everything would be figured out – I am confident enough with myself to allow the roaring laughter at naivety  – I probably have more questions than I did at 19! Again, that’s okay – I am likely to have even more questions at 42, 52, 62…

At 32, life is full of questions, hopes, aspirations, vision boarding, dreaming! All of these blissfully romantic thoughts sit along side the domestic life in my brain because at 32 my life is also full of clothes patiently waiting to be washed, a daughter who is fiercely independent but needs mummy cuddles (on her terms obviously), a thoughtful and loving husband, my awesome tribe of my dearest family and great circle of friends… my work, my writer dreams and glasses of wine for those challenging days…

 

Today will look different to tomorrow. Life will keep happening – whether I have caught my breath or not. I will continue to be shaped by experiences, both the positive and the challenging and that’s okay.

 

I work at life everyday to be in it and to steer it and to make it a life that I continue to feel blessed to live in all of its messy, chaotic and authentic glory!

 

~ F.P

A Letter to my Daughter on Love

To my dear angel heart,

At this moment, you are light years away from any meaningful walk down an isle that is not the local grocery shop, better described as chaotic zigzagging to touch anything you can reach.

You are miles away from a heartbreak that may shape your idea on life and love and you are enjoying the blissful age of showing love with few words and through your innocent affections but at this moment, I choose to pen the ideas of marriage in hope you too come to learn.

So my dear daughter…

Fall in love.

Be not afraid of any future heartache for any guarding of the heart may lose you the opportunity to find the greatest love story of your soul.

Age does not determine the ‘rightness’ of your love. Your daddy and I feel in love as young and spirited teens. We grew together-we navigated life together-made mistakes together and learned but we knew, we always knew that we are a commitment and two souls living our life’s path in compliment to one another and not in consumption of the other and we continue to love each other madly.

Embrace the fear accompanying love. Giving your heart to anyone is one of the greatest acts of taking a leap of faith. You cannot control the response of another but be not afraid for those three words to leave your lips to land on another’s heart. The greatest regrets come from the times we have not more than the times we have.

Throw out the idea of a perfect love. Love takes work, it takes faith and it takes courage.

Settle not for stable. No stability in life is worth the sacrifice of true, awesome, heart pounding love.

Be cautious of distractions by glamour and promise. Be not dazzled by promise of lavish gifts and exotic escapes-love can flourish merely between the souls of each other-minus the fireworks, the roses and any grand gestures.

Marry the person you can laugh at life with… Because when life throws you lightening bolts of chaos sometimes the only option open is to laugh!

Marry the one who holds you tightly when you cry, swooping your hair back caught in your tears and still manages to make a little smile appear… But be cautious if your tears are forever falling over them.

Marry the one who you find yourself caught up admiring.

Marry the one who’s compassion shines especially when they stop to pat a puppy.

Marry the one who dreams your dreams and encourages you to dream to greater scales.

Marry not merely because you were proposed to but because your soul sung the song of a hundred angels rejoicing over the path of fate.

Marry when the time is right by your souls clock and not by the expectation.

Your daddy and I waited until the universe aligned with our souls and life schedules which was not always the accepted situation of those who questioned our motives for delay.

I will tell you a secret – there was no ‘perfect’ time for a wedding.

There was no perfect time for our wedding…we had already well and truly committed our love and that did not need the approval of others as you won’t either because in every love story, you write the rules.

Or marry not at all.

You choose the path of your heart and above all-be genuine and navigated by love.

~ F.P

When grief teaches patience

Grief teaches us many things. One of which is patience.

Im tired.
My body aches all over.
My head is thumping.
But my soul is grateful.

I am a mother. One of the only titles that holds a million emotions in a single noun.

My 16 month old is unwell. Its 2.30am as I sit here with her, night two of a restless, uncomfortable and tiring night waiting desperately for the antibiotics to start their job to take over fighting for my tired toddler.

My own bug ripping through like a tornado in my body…yet my heart is overflowing in gratitude.

Its easy to lose sight of perspective in the haze of exhaustion. It is easy to feel as though life is a series of never ending unfortunate events, but grief has taught me to count my blessings – in that moment.

Grief has taught me that the toughest moments are where the best blessings arise from.

Grief has taught me that there are life events that just are. The universe is not conspiring to break me. Life happens.

So tonight I count my blessings because grief reminds me that tomorrows are never guaranteed and the me of tonight will always look different from the me of tomorrow… with or without a night full of sleep.

~ F.P

Spring…

The hue of the morning gives promise…

The gentle breeze whisper secrets of adventure and promise for kisses to sweep across your soul…

The hint of blooms peeking through in tease…

They are preparing for their marriages amongst them to flower brightly and bring wonder and awe for they signal a beginning…

They signal the beginning… a new life cycle begins again at Spring!

 

And for this my soul smiles…

 

~ F.P

Fill up your emotional tank…

How often do you give more than we have emotionally?

Emotional depletion is a by product of our guilt, loyalty and self expectations.

We want nothing more than to be 100% present to our friends and family. We want to be able to drop everything to help and more than anything we want to take away their pains and burdens.

In times like these, expectations of our friendships are often not so complex and full of such requirements. Sometimes it is merely about being present and listening. We create these expectations on ourselves.

This morning I had a beautiful and honest conversation with a dear soul. They confided that they were overcome with pangs of guilt at not being able to invest more of their time and emotions to a friend experiencing a reoccurring life problem. This weight upon their chest was evident and resonated with me – how many times I felt as though I hadn’t given enough because I couldn’t give more… Or that I wasn’t present in the way I thought I was expected to be or that I was tired with my own life issues that there was simply nothing left in the tank for another.

One of the best and most honest things I have been told by a friend when I appeared to be drowning in life was essentially this:

I love you and want to absolutely help you and be there for you. I just don’t have enough of what you need to serve both of us.

This was one of those ‘pause‘ moments.

It made me reflect upon what I thought I needed from those around me.
It also illustrated the absolute need for self care.
Throwing ourselves under piles and piles of pressure of stress and expectation to fix the problems of the world serves little purpose. It wears us down.

This friend is not one to shy away from hard conversations or is ‘all about them’. They always check in and are there if I call to need something – she just understand (to an extent) her self worth needing time invested by herself. She is aware of her emotional and mental limitations and I respect her on such a level because of this.

I am not advocating for he abandonment of providing help and assistance to others. I am not saying stop putting your hand out to offer help… I am simply saying this… In order for us to be productive and emotionally healthy beings, this requires work. This requires self care. This requires investing time and value into ourselves.

Self care looks different for everyone.
For some it’s exercise, for others it’s cooking. It might be scheduling in a bath or doona day. It might be to check in with help services or even just a check up with the doctor.

Regardless of how your self care looks like – it needs to happen by your hand. Take ownership and responsibility for your mental health and nourish it just as you would if it was a friend seeking your help.

Take those moments in life to pause… to breathe… And to refill your emotional tank…

~ F.P

Life in Cycles

I nourished the Cancerian in me this weekend. Continuing to unpack our former lives to assess what fits into our current phase, I allowed myself to sit with the rainbow of emotions.

Our lives move in cycles. Every so often I look at the items that surround me and determine its purpose. I no longer wish to be weighed down by things. I don’t feel as though the more I have the more value is added to my life but instead that it works to detract from my quality and obtaining that peace I am endlessly chasing.

I choose to no longer be distracted from myself.

What was an absolute treasure of discovery were the very many journals I have stored starting from grade 6. The level of detail an 11 year old can feel about life – the beauty and the injustices. Sometimes you easily forget that with each life phase comes different challenges…

My current life cycle is focused on how to raise my daughter mindfully balancing all that is required… and maybe just maybe the younger me has presented just when she needs to…

All things happen when the universe aligns it…

 

~ F.P

This is not my generation…

There are some days I find myself confused about life. My confusion ranges across many things and admittedly at the moment it’s the craze that is Pokemon Go.

For some this may have you aghast at such narrow minded, snobbery ignorance I must hold for all the fun I am missing and for others you may have already rolled your eyes that the topic of Pokemon Go has again raised it’s head. This is about something bigger, promise.

Generally, I try and avoid stretching my brain capacity across things that I have very little interest in but I am finding myself more and more overwhelmed with the vast amount of things I can’t get my head around. It’s days like this where I feel like an ‘older’ person that refuses to keep up with technology – this is not entirely true. I have a smart phone! I have social media, a kindle and I even have a Fitbit! I am kept up enough… But the other day over lunch with a friend Bobby, he told us about his recent Pokemon Go hunting successes – my face was one of confusion and a little judgment that an adult was spending his time chasing imaginary characters (I note there could have been a little bit of envy that he had the time to hunt). But his response was perfect. He fiercely announced that this is his generation.

This comment caused me to pause.

Generations? A distinction between them when our ages are so close? Hmmm…

He was absolutely, positively correct. This is his generation.

I had a tamagotchi, slap bands and tazos… All of which have no real application to life but I kind of loved them and enjoyed them.

 

All generations get to experience something that doesn’t strictly apply to life’s moving forward mechanisms and that are solely for the purpose of having fun – and that’s okay – better than okay – that’s exactly what life should be all about! About not taking it all too seriously.

I realised something bigger – my generation straddles an important line that has been drawn – Life pre Internet and life that could never exist without it.

Every generation has something important that speaks of the circumstances of the time. The birth of the Internet is mine…

I will always cherish a time of play without the use of digital technology but I accept and understand that the new, younger generation has been born into a time with these fancy ways of play and entertainment and to an extent it includes me. This realisation causes me to breath a little. So whilst this is not strictly my generation, I will take in what I feel like and push aside the rest because the other great part of life is the power of choice and that is a powerful tool to hold in my belt…

~ F.P

My space to breathe…

The glass surrounding me quickly fogs. The steam rising works as a further layer of cleansing as I stand in peace beneath the encasing wall of water, allowing it to flow unobstructed, seeping through to wash the day away.

 

I am a working mother.

 

I am not here to tell you I am busier than other women – I’m not.

I am not here to tell you my life is more challenging in time, patience and practice – It isn’t.

I am not here to tell you that my life is more rewarding…

I am not here to tell you that I envy others freedom …

I am not here to excuse my life’s failings or to spruke my triumphs or to tell you I talk myself out of guilt daily…

 

…Because right now I am enclosed in my space. My shower…something so simple yet so effective. It is not an elaborate yoga studio or a patio at a Balinese villa. It isn’t the top of a mountain where I find solace as my daily ritual to maintain my Zen and life’s balance.

 

But it is my space to breathe and it is my space to bathe out the worries.

 

It is a place that has no room for a ringing phone or a knocking front door.

 

It is a space that has no room for negative thoughts, energies or personalities to penetrate – the space is too confined to allow it to be crowded with the unnecessary…

 

It is my space where for a few moments in each day, I have the time and space to pause ~ to collect my bearings – calibrate and realign my souls desires and move on again in life with a clean pair of my big girl pants to conquer the world.

 

~ F.P

She…

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Her soul burned with a fire…

Her heart beat with love…

Her eyes roared with passion…

Her world had little but she had all she truly needed and then a little bit more for her soul spoke in the native tongue of the universe…

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~ F.P